@ur PrE-wEdDing photos

After waiting so long and eagerly, finally we could manage 2 take our pre wedding photos together...before this we have some fighting due to divert opinions and feelings...however, with our hard effort, we could finally make it too..

The process of shooting was fun..even though is very tiring but i feel that i worth it especially the outdoor shooting...we both can feel that it is so precious that we could make it together...while for me, i feel that so unbelievable that the wedding gown that i wish 2 wear on it so long is really on me...so unbelievable...most important is when my hubby told me tat he feel so fortunate having me as his wife even warmer my heart...

Looking at our self-taking photo, i am kind of vain, feel that i really pretty in wedding gowns..i really have to appreciate this because it is only once in a lifetime and it is so meaningful..holding the hand of your love one and walk along the whole life with the same pace and path...Like one of our friends wish us "BAI TOU XIE LAO"...i will always keep this in mind..it is not easy to maintain a marriage life..both parties have to sacrifice...i will remember the wedding photo shooting moment for my whole life...and learn to appreciate everything that is given by GOD...

my C@mplicated FeElings

i am supposed to be very happy and excited...my wedding is getting nearer..but due to the sudden incident...my mom was diagnosed to have breast cancer...suddenly i feel i lost of any interest in my wedding preparation...it is true that i couldn't accept the fact and always think negatively and the worst...in my mind, i will be thinking...will my mom accept the fact?? in my wedding, how people will look at her?? does she still a complete woman?? then i will think about myself...will i get this also?? any possibility that i need to undergo all these too?? hubby told me that why i like to think ahead which things not yet happen...why i always like to react like this and make people worry....for me..i feel that i am thinking of that because i want to make myself mentally prepared for that, which there is possibility to be happened...but now...i know..i know that it is time to force myself to learn to think positively...to accept everything..i know GOD is testing..i am pleading you...i will accept what you have planned in my life...but please reduce it the the minimum...i will try my very best to plant the good deed, i wish the good deed will get fine return to my family members...i want everyone in my family.everyone i love is safe and healthy...it is not under my control..it is in your hand...i really wish too..

since i was small, i always feel that i am very fortunate..i was born with love, after i grow up i always being showered by love...love from parents, boyfriend then husband..although not 100% perfect but at least i am blissful and that is more than enough...of course in a human life...there must have up and down...no matter how beautiful is your life...there sure have some cracks along the way..i believe that this is the time for me to learn to do mend the crack, learn to grow up..and the most important thing is learn to appreciate and learn to love and to be loved...after having few days of nonsense thing day...which i make myself like a 'soulless' body...my brain always loitering somewhere until i don't know what i was doing...i find fought with hubby..i think it is the way i wish to find a way to get rid of everything...we fight, quarrel, debate and cry finally....and also finally we express our true feeling...only through this channel i get out from the evil...i eventually understand one thing, no matter what is happening, what had happened..i am not alone...no matter how hard is the life...it sure will pass..that is why everyday i the school i am teaching the children past tense, present tense, and future tense...things already happened and it already become past tense..i shouldn't always look back and think of it..the most important thing is present..present tense...last time i like to think about future tense..but i think for the time being..i won't...future tense....i will wait until reach that future time only i think of that..like pa's saying...ships reach the harbour automatically will go straight...everyone is standing by with me..i have nothing to worry about...

in any relationship...not only just share happiness and sadness..and one must be persevere in holding the relationship.....because of my evil and devil and dumbly thinking, i like to think anf feel nonsense...GOD is fair..He always want to train me to become a real person..but He afraid that i couldn't take it..hence, he puts me to be my father's daughter..whom will always protect me from any harm..he appoints my hubby to stay with me no matter how nonsense, how stupid, how stubborn i am..no matter how much, how deep i hurt him, he will always be with me..bear with me...just sometime i just couldnt control my mind..i am just like that...after find fight with him...after quarrel with him...uncounsciously there is a strong energy awakening deep in my heart...suddenly i really feel relief, feel fresh, vigorous and new...now...i need to be brave..i need to help my mom..but not in the opposite they help me...and i shouldn't let this ruin my life, my blissful marriage...i should let everything run as normal, as it is supposed to be...no matter how hard is the life currently, anytime, anyday it will pass, then the new day come...i want to build my family..my normal and blissful family..i want my baby to come to this new world..i want shower them with love as what love that being showered to be so long...i believed i can make it..i am a super mother and wife..and teh most important thing is, i am not always alone...my hubby will sure always to be there with me... and wont allow any bad thing happen to be also...i am thankful that i find fought with him,,then only i realised how much he loves me...how me he could tolerate with me...how much he wish to protect me from everything..just like my father...and maybe my father has got a guy that he could believe and hand over me to him...and then at this moment only my mom sick...maybe that is the men's job to protect their lovely women in their whole life..never end..

To my hubby..i duno what to say anymore..to maintain a marriage it really need a lot of determination and perseverance..just want to say thank you...for still supporting me and bear with me all the time..i love you..

i miss u

so fast i am back to Sabah again after 10 days holidays at home...love will really bond any lovers no matter where you go..at first i never think of go back home...but because too miss him, miss his love, his kiss and his hug i finally made decision to go back home...another reason to go back was i was so eager to see the limited collection wedding gowns...

10 days were so short for me...only few days he accompanied me...but for sure it really sweet..i enjoy spending time with him...he really understand me very much...that day i bought mangoes and wait for him to come back home from work only we enjoy the mangoes...who know my brother without asking my permission finished all the mangoes..he knows i like the mangoes very much and he purposely waited till have pasar malam and brought me there to buy me the mangoes..in fact deep in my heart, i feel so touched for his care and love.

when we were in the bridal house...i feel so happy and eager 2 fit all the wedding gowns...funny things happened..all the wedding i couldnt fit in...i was scolding is it all the brides are so skinny...which means i need to diet so hard in order to become skinny chick to fit all those wedding gowns..i just try my best to lose weight lah...when i was wearing the gowns, in my heart i was imagining he will be shocked and amazed seeing me wearing the gowns and become his bride..but to my surprise, he didnt really sit there anxiously expecting me wearing the gowns to show him..in fact he complained why all the gowns did not look really nice on me...we were making fun because all the gowns can only zip till the waist..after that cant move up anymore..really sad..hopefully after alter the gowns, my hubby really amazed and astonished looking at me...

The day when i need to come back Sabah..i really feel so hard to live apart from him...in fact, sometimes i really thank God for seperating us for awhile...because we both used to more appreciate each other and the fire spurt up even strong and hot...hahaha...the journey straight back to nabawan really crack my bones..but because of him, i am willing to come back late even though bit tiring...one more second i can spend with him i also feel is worth it...hopefully after God have tested us our love and bond, and we have passed the love test, he is willing to send me back to him as soon as possible...we both are waiting for that moment...and for sure we will appreciate each other more than ever...

i miss him..

Very soon, I am teaching in Sabah for half of year. Before this, I never think of that I can adapt this kampong like without my hubby. But I still miss him. I started to learn how to enjoy the life here and maintain our relationship through phone, msn, 3G and webcam. When we can see each other on screen, undeniable the feeling of missing each other getting stronger, however, we feel that we both are close to each other. It is more than enough. Chinese new Year just passed and another new year, new hope is coming. This year I still get to take angpow and I thought next year I still have chance to take one more time.

But there is one weekend I got shock and so hard to settle down when I got to know that my mother in law wish us to get married end of this year. One thing I worry most is about money. I always wish I have a memorable wedding. But my best friend had wakened me up. In one couple life, the most memorable thing is that we are being recognized as husband and wife. This is the most blissful n merry moment. Even I had a very grand and memorable wedding, but if m future married life is not blissful is not meaningful also. My best buddies were surprised when got to know I am going to get married. They were so excited and happy for me. Well, at first thought that next year only I are going to have the wedding but since next year is believed to be not so good year and a fierce year. Rather than taking a risk, I am happy and excited to have the wedding day end of this year. Even simple, I think now I don’t mind already. Otherwise, have to wait till 2011. While I believe that if still delay our relationship will halt at one pace and become dull. That time will become very dull in the relationship. When we reach certain stage, we need new thing to spark up the relationship.

Honestly , I always dream how my wedding looks like. What is in my mind is not very grand wedding. But my wedding crowded with many people and relatives. My 6 yrs university buddies who are all happy of my belonging. Their wishes are so meaningful to me. I think I will become very happy and grateful for their coming and having a real good husband. But I still wish llike what is the movie, how d guy propose to the wife in a very romantic environment, in our case, we both just agree and so naturally and unconsciously plan the wedding before he has chance to propose to me. One silly question in my mind, if already ready for the wedding then only propose, will it be as romantic as what is in the movie? If no proposal like lacking something. Well, maybe I am too demanding.

For the time being, we were busy surveying room furniture and some wedding stuffs and do budgeting. One more thing, although we live apart, we both will search the same thing like survey wedding photos that we feel that is beautiful and special. We will discuss the photos as though that I am very pro. Then criticize people photo somemore. Hopefully our room turns out to be what we both like and comfortable. In fact, as long as is our room, a simple room is more than enough already.

Back to reality, all these need money. If keep everything too simple, I scare that I might regret in the future because wedding is once in your whole life. But money is still a big problem. Somemore, now is having economy crisis. I don’t know what will happen in the future. Will the economy recover in this few months? Will my hubby’s career stable and go higher? All question marks swirling in my head. In fact, I shouldn’t think too much. I always believe that GOD has his own planning. Same like I am posted to sabah and I see things differently and learn new things. Everything he arranges will take us to another better stage and path. It is depend on how we take it and accept it. Whatever thing happens, as long as we have hands and brain, nothing will beat us down. And whatever thing happen, I will support him and hopefully by this all turn positively and what I wish will come true. God bless us ok. Wish my hubby has a smooth career and everything turn out as what we wish.

i am back to him...

After everyday counting the day, and after d quarrelling days, finally reach 15 november...very eagerly to come back home to see my hubby and my family members..they went to fetch me from the airport...but dont know why when i first saw my hubby, we both didnt look so excited n hug also...very sad..out of my expectation..when got in the car, i couldnt stand and ak him why he didnt look excited..his answer was because too long no see, suddenly like very hard to accept i am back and really with him...he added..now i am back to him but also imply that soon i still need to go back Sabah one day and leave him..suddenly my heart felt very pain and sour..maybe it is very hard for him 2 accept that suddenly i am back and soon i need to leave...this situation back to past 6 years when we needed to live apart and we had a hard time too..but no matter what, we take this as challenge..furthermore, we are now husband and wife...but the day missing each other honestly is hard 2 pass...what to do, we makan gaji only and need to fulfill my commitment also as educator...

after fetched us, we went to jalan jalan and 'pat toh' to find back our fire and love spark..we went to snake temple which my brother never been there before..i tried to take more photos but i looked fatter than before leaving to Sabah.but he said he liked me more if i look chubby...dont know whether was his true words...no matter what i still believe him...but of course i wont be so stupid and let me continue gaining weight...no confidence man...but it is really enjoying and fun eating together with him...so i think although i said wan to lose weight, but probably i might gain weight also because of him...and i think he lost weight since i was not with him eating together...or mayb i no more cook for him since i left Sabah...after back home, the first thing was to help him cut his hair and his beard..he really didnt take care of his appearance at all when i was not with him...

we always try our best to find back our love spark n very soon we got it back and we appreciate it very much...we even went to subscribe wedding photo shooting package cost rm3199 without thinking twice...but after came back and got opinion from all, we felt that in fact we no need to be so rush...we came out with consensus hat we want everything stabil especially our finance and i manage to transfer back here only we think of our wedding day and so on..

since we only have weekend to be together so basically weekend i seldom at home and try to spend all my lovely and sweet time with him..for the first weekend, we celebrated my birthday. not much of surprise but at least i could celebrate my birthday with him an my family members...we shouldnt expect too much right...and he presented me body shop perfume and lotion which i have to put the rose perfume on when out with him..because the rose smell is very sweet and seducing...

the following weekend, saturday was his company's family day. in fact i was very happy he brought me there..his purpose was to introduce me to all his colleagues, especially his female colleagues, know them more so that i know more about their personality..this was done on purpose because he didnt want me to be jealous if he is out with his colleagues..or mayb he tried to show off..show his wife to all his colleagues and he introduce me as his wife in front of his colleagues..i felt so sweet and happy even though felt weird..i still feel very young and wish to cuci mata on cute guy..sekali he introduce me as his wife....people wont look at me anymore liao loh...already jadi hak milik orang in such 'young age'...but it is ok lah...it could be another blissful feeling mah..

there was one weekend we went to KL..my purpose wan to have gathering with our friends but the time was too tight...i couldnt separate my body to parts to do so many at once...but i never regret went to genting with him...he always asked me whether i regret ging with him because he also felt guilty grasp all my time aways from my buddies..but honestly i never regret..there was only way we can leave everyone and have our own world only...that was also the reason we dont plan to have kids so early although my dream was have 3 kids before i reach 30. but i think quite hard to fulfill my so called noble dream..and i have to be thankful to my buddies, saiw hui, sin yuan, hua hceat, von and jia wen...thank you very much for giving me that wedding present...well if ask me whether it works o not, i really dont know how to answer you and according to them we both need some props to 'fire up' our relationship wo...anyway i really thank them so having such a good thought....these are the wedding gift they gave to me before leaving to genting and they insisted to give me on that day as well...

there was one weekend which was our fren's wedding in penang..the wedding dinner was so grand and it was held in a hotel..our frens told us that they expect our wedding more than this...we both also wan this kind of grand wedding if we could afford..but verything must be in our budget..after wedding we have to plan buying our house..our home sweet home...so we in fact have a tight budget..but all of us really enjoy the wedding dinner..it was like a big gathering for us to talk and laugh..we also took many photos and the best thing was, i dont know why my hubby so excited and kept on inviting his frens drinking beer..but very embarassing loh..he after 2 cups already felt dizzy and bit of drunk..and he felt his whole body hot and head pumping...but i liked to him like that...i also dont know why..mayb i like to see a drunken husband..he acted very funny...but luckily he wont simply scold or beat people..but he will turn to be very sweet and romantic...and i like the liquar smell from his mouth..i sound crazy right...

Very soon i was home for almost 1 month, we tried to seize opportunity to be together and spend all our time to be together..but we could not stay together yet because traditionally we not yet married and i don want people talking bad behind us...in fact we both were quite conservative when at home..mayb is the environment we grow up...even the wedding gift they gave me, i oso hide deep inside inside my cupboard and make sure no one could find or see it...very sorry to my frens for ruining the gift but i 100% make sure they are in good condition because i also need them very much in future also..ahhaha..

i hope that for the coming weekend before the school start, we still can go travelling and have fun so that d sweet memory always kept in our mind and i will also keep them here...our blog..miss you darling...

quarrel and quarrel

it is kind of normal that couples quarrel...me n him quarrel or more accurately just me quarrel wif him probably is because of distance...mayb too miss each other and no place to express..that y express through the medium of QUArrel...

but most probably is jealousy...i too jealous when i got to know he actually went out with female colleagues or fetch female colleagues to the office..in fact i know it is nothing and normal but because i am too possesive and easily get jealous and i started everything...i started to end his call n didnt reply his messages...but sumetimes i will think, why should i do that...but very very fortunately he is always so patient and waited for me to cool down first and explain to me the whole things....as he always said..our problem is distance n the fact is i cant survive without guy...but i can promise that i wont do anything wrong as i know i am a Puan...not a CIk anymore..in fact sometimes feel very sad for that title..or mayb still not get used of this title....

another matter "fairness'' alwaz swirl in my mind...is there any fair or unfair in a relationship...in fact we know in a relationship there is not fair and unfair..but why i seem so calculative counting whether is this fair for me, or is this fair 4 him...or mayb i am too worried for so many things which i should not do that...n again my hubby told me..this is due to distance problem..is IT?? i am still wondering..

i am a very weird person, at this moment i am perfectly love him, at the next second i will suddenly angry with him with a small matter...is me got problem or he got problem..or distance is the problem...we kept on blaming on 'distance'' but it is distance is a real problem..if we didnt register that day, will we still a couple now???a very big question mark...my best friend said..'if he is your real man, you will be with him no matter what n when'..but now we seem force ourselves using the title of 'husband and wife'...well, it is truly sweet n blissful when u have a husband or someone who confirm will be there always with you...but how if there is husband but not always be with you, is it a lacking there???however, soon we will see each other and hopefully all will settle....it is kind of stupid..in fact is already husband and wife but still have so many worries..mayb i stay in kampung, not much entertainment and too free to think nonsense..or mayb my jealousy is too strong...i hope that my hubby alwayz support me and bear with me..but i know he for sure will always standby me!!!he will try all his best to comfort me and calm me down!!!

darling, i know sometimes i bit like nonsense..i also dont know why at that moment i will feel like that...but very fortunate GOD understand me and alwayz give me the best thing and that is you...i know you alwayz try very hard to cope with me...and i alwayz be the one to find fault...i am trying hard to change but you know bit hard for me because i am who i am..but we both have confidence we will stay happily and blissfully until the end of our life!!! hope i can get transfer fast back to his side and bulit our happy family!!!!and make one thing clear, i ahve the heart to get transfered but i don wan to put so much hope so that i wont get hurt if the transferation is failed..hope u too...just try our best to maintain our marriage!!! LOve u!!

HonEym@@n

Well, strictly dis is not honeymoon as if honeymoon is d couple go and back from honeymoon 2gether, but in our case...NO..however, we still hope that we can enjoy this holidays to the fullest..

in fact, no many places we have visited and d trip was so rush and tiring...which also caused conflict between us...well, it is true that everything have sweetness and bitterness...although we felt so happy can be together...but when too close together then sometimes conflict happen..when conflict happen, we will be thinking, should we to be together??but this time fighting, cant be like last time said break up and marriage is not a kidding...the question is always swirling in my head..how a couple can go through so many things at one time...

when not together, always thinking to be together, but when too long together then conflict occur...such a contradictory...but it is true that to maintain a marriage need a very deep knowledge and both also need to cooperate and understand each other...

i feel that i am very lucky to have him as my husband because he is willing to give in when we are in conflict...of course sometimes he will also get angry and moody but very soon he will become alright..and whatever i ask for, as long as he can do it, he will do 4 d sake of me...for instance, i wish to go Little Italy which is quite famous in KK..but i know it is expensive to dine there...but because he knows i wish to go there, he is willing to carry his heavy luggage and walk with me to that restaurant...normally if a meal costs rm8 for him is also very expensive, but with me, he is willing to spend his money as long as i am happy!!!

however i still feel that redang and terengganu trip is more memorable for me...because at the same time, i have fun with my closest darling and friends too...but after we have our own family, everything husband come first...whatever it is, i stil wish that HE is d gift from the god and we will build our happy family!!! however, MONEY take charge of dis..but my dada said MONEY is not d priority but MEMORY...time and memory cant be bought by MONEY!!!anyone agree???